the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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