Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
