proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's the barista slut.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
