So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
