tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
