you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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