i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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