I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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