No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
