ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
