Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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