its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
