Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I fill condoms, not promises.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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