I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
