and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize