Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
