How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
