just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
