why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
