the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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