you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
