did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
