I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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