just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Even my vagina gasped.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
