hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
