is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
