she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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