I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!