just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
