i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.