At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed