I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
