You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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