The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
