You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
