He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
