Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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