he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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