dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
