im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
