You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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