Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
