Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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