Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
