i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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