I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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