you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
