she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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