jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
