I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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