Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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