If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
