you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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