is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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