He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
