"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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