How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
