We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
