just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
