I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
