areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
