Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize