I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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