If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
