The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
