Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
