I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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