i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
