your room smells of hookers.
And success
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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