First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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