Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's blow job season.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
