you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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