yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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