i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
