Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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