It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
